Because no one sees me the way that you do
Exposed and ashamed waiting to be abused
I used to get anxiety at night wondering if I'd hear your voice
Then I'd cry with all my might because you had made your choice
Twelve
It took twelve years for me to hide myself enough
so that when others looked at me, I wouldn't seem to be tough
on the exterior and broken inside
I woke up every morning and I shared in your lies
I hate the color blue
It
reminds me of the pajamas I wore when you ripped up my innocence and
stained my sheets with rhythm and I can't even look myself in the eyes
anymore because I see you
Don't mistake this for a love poem or a sonnet of happy tunes
Because you broke up my insides and crumbled them into fumes
That I inhale when I smell that old cologne you used to wear
I
can't stand the feel of a man's facial hair against my face and I'll
never know what it's like to have a man hold me in his arms and feel
protected
Because when you held me, it was because I was neglected
To be seen by a woman who ignored you, so you found a place in my bed to feel brand new
Whispers into the night, "God please protect me from the monster all night and in the morning"
I moved my bed so that I could cover the memories with a desk
Little did I know I was building my own prison against a wall
Over and over again you would come in and my hope would fall
When I matured I got excited because I thought "this is the moment"
But I must have forgot
You
still didn't feel man enough or maybe it was that you were too much of a
man to admit that instead of hugging your little girl, you became an
evil attack in her head
Well I'm a woman now
All grown up and reliving the past
I have a daughter of my own and I cry for her and pray that all she'll know are laughs
and innocence and that she'll find a man who loves her so deep that she'll never feel like me
Afraid to go to sleep
