I have never been one to claim to fully understand the multitude of complex emotions that a human may encounter. Neither have I ever been one to shy away from my own. However, as I get older I realize that wearing your heart on your ever-so-fashionable sleeve may not be the best way to go about life. After almost a week or two or wafting and covering myself in prophetic pity I have decided (yes, once again) to give it to God. Surely the reason for this mounting hill of defeat is because I have no idea what is in store for me. Fancy that?
Not knowing how your life is going to turn out? Who would have thought of that one? I realized that I am not the only person on the planet that has a fear of the unknown. I DID start to recognize that I have this CRAZY faith that allows me to be ok with that. Somewhere in the dozens of applications and denials I had managed to loose hold of that. It wasn't until this morning when others claimed to have seen this loss so apparently clear on my face, that I was reminded of what I DO know.
I know that God is and has always been in control of my life. Every once in a while I become selfish and want to take back the reigns. Not because HE is a horrible driver, but because I feel the need to be in control. Typical of a woman? No. Typical of THIS woman. For some reason I can't even let my husband step foot into the kitchen, which is a rare occasion. I'm not sure if he's in there because he wants to help or because he's worried that I may burn something. (Don't start thinking "typical" either! I AM a good cook, I just try to multitask while I'm doing it and I fail sometimes. Naturally.).....back to God.
Plainly put, that is exactly what I have to do with my life. Go back to God. Not because I left Him, but because I stepped on His toes and managed to push Him in the passenger seat. Notice I said passenger NOT back seat. I still made Him a partner to my life, but not the HEAD of my life. I feel that many of us do this. We claim that since God is still equally as important as other things that He is in the exact place that He needs to be. This is not right. God is to be the MOST important person/thing/thought/emotion/security in our lives.
It has been taking me a while, but you know, I think I'm getting good at this whole life thing.
