Now that I've got your attention...
In life, there are things you will never be able to change. Like the way the sky looks, the size of your heart, doughnuts and Chipotle in excess will make you gain weight, and OTHER people.
We suffer so much through the hands of what others do to us and lack the understanding that it isn't the other person that is the issue, it's us. We can't change them. They won't change for us and if they do, it will be temporary. Personally, I believe that it's a universal pain, trying to change someone so that they fit our mold. We push and pull, stretch in ways we didn't think we ever would, accept and deny problems we said we would never deal with, and begin to implement our own ideas of perfection on this person without ever clearly understanding our own flaws or the fact that perfection isn't exactly a tangible characteristic.
Recently (because my posts are always inspired by "recent events" in my life), I started to question some of my life decisions and personality traits. Had I made the right decision? Was I at fault for my failures in my marriage? Am I a horrible person? Is there a real reason to be hated? I started to look at myself through the skewed viewpoint of a person/persons that no longer knew me. I knew I had evolved, that my spirit man had grown to the point where he had almost collapsed most of my fleshly desires. I knew I could feel myself becoming more free in God and who I have become daily, YET, here I was doubting myself because someone else had APPEARED to make a change.
This doubt threw my mental stability into overdrive for almost a full 24 hours. THEN because God and I have this custom-made relationship and He always has a way of showing me things I need to see (and always without me having to really look for them)...I was sent a screen shot. Now, I know that in this age of technology everyone is screenshotting (that's a word now) their lives away, but I have to say, it's been a very useful form of documentation and a reminder to how far my journey has brought me. So, back to this screen shot. I know what you're thinking, "What was it?!" I'm not going to divulge that information (you'll have to wait for my book, heck, no one reads these posts anyway). However, just know that it was an IMMEDIATE reminder that no matter how hard we may try, PEOPLE WON'T CHANGE for us.
This is where my focus turns a little and to where I believe my words will reach the farthest (however "far" that may be).
LADIES, *types and deletes three sentences*
He's not going to change for you.
Point. Blank. Period. The. End. Thank. You. Good. Night.
Men are human beings. They make mistakes just like us. Yes, their mistakes are magnified because they seem to effect us (if we are related or invested in them in any way), but they make mistakes. The difference is that most men, not all, do not realize that they've made a mistake or that it's as much of an issue as you believe because if they did...they wouldn't have done it. With that being said, a man who continually makes the same "mistake" over and over again no matter how many times you've cried, threatened to leave, broke down, kicked him out (of your life or house that you pay for and he just crashes there "temporarily"), or told him how what he does "makes you feel..." THAT man has a larger issue than just that mistake. This is where things start to get difficult for us ladies because we are, by genetic make up, nurturers and fixers. We want to love and take care of this man and save him essentially from himself. Ladies, we can't do it. It hasn't been done. It may LOOK like you have, BUT (insert screen shot info here), he hasn't and he won't unless his OWN desire takes over, he acknowledges the issue and starts to REALLY evaluate his relationship with God.
Psalms 9:10-"And those who know your name will put their trust in YOU; for you, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you."
It is our job to pray for Him and most importantly, step back. Continually reminding him of his failures will only force him to focus on YOU and how he is making you feel instead of focusing on GOD and how he is making GOD feel. Because, let's face it, we are not as important as God (and neither is he) and that's the way it should be. Our spouse, love, courting partner, should not be seeking the approval of us, but the approval of God. So many relationships are having fictional family fun and perfection via social media and behind closed doors, dating apps, and Instagram likes, there are hidden monumental sized issues.
A man cannot be the husband/father to your child(ren) that you are trying to mold him into because God hasn't created that mold, you did. If we really think about it; would we want a husband who is missing vital pieces that God was supposed to implement inside him? Would we want a husband who we've had to sacrifice our integrity for? Allow that man to seek God. Get out of his face and stop trying to force him to change for you, because it will never happen. Most importantly seek God yourself. REALLY seek him (I'll give you that info in another post). Because in the end no matter how many meals you've cooked for him, no matter how many pictures you've uploaded to social media, no matter how may likes you got on your profile picture, no matter how much his family likes you, no matter how many dates you've been on, at the end of the day, he's alone with his issue (and phone with a million apps and other women) and only God can intervene in his spirit.
Step back because this is the one time, you can't fix it, this is a man's job. HIS job.
No comments:
Post a Comment