Oh yes, it's getting greater in this piece.

Today, I woke to news that devastated my heart. Every day this week, I seemed to wake to devastating news. Today I made the choice, that even though my heart ached and my soul was lonely (feeling abandoned and cheated from a mate), I was going to worship and praise God all day. I couldn't allow myself a moment of self pity. I also chose not to believe the news. My heart and soul were given vision of my destiny and this news was not in line. I chose not to believe what was clearly in black and white in front of me, but to believe what God showed me.

Eventually, once my finished book is out in the universe, my testimony will told. All the unbelievable stories of my life will be unveiled. Even now, I wonder how I've made it this far. I'm 29 years old and have constantly been surrounded with darkness and tragedy all my life. How have I been spared? Why did He choose to save me? I ask myself these questions frequently. It's only been recently that I've been reminded of the strength I have. I'm sure if my emotional scars could combine with my physical scars, I would be unrecognizable. But God. He assured me that no matter the amount of emotional ripping away at my little heart, He would continue to heal it. I realized I was angry at God because I thought He had broken a promise to me, but He never promised to spare me from the pain. He promised He would heal me.

I am constantly taking inhales and visualizing myself reaching into my core to pull out strength. Now I know why God made me such a small lady. I'm underestimated in my strength. I'm underestimated in my abilities to break through and because of this my breakthrough only becomes greater. I've started to recognize the surprise in people's faces when they hear me speak. Little, quiet, reserved, over-the-top-with-the-sarcasm, strange and random Dianna has a big voice. My strength is more than my ability to recover from heart ache and pain. My strength IS my heart ache and pain. This little frame with a little more to love, can uphold the Goliath of heartbreak and more than that, I can live to speak about it. I can live to encourage others. I can live to encourage myself.

So today, even with my heart breaking and my soul asking questions about where Love went. Why it was abandoned. Why it has to stand alone until Love returns (because Love will return). Even now, this second, as I yearn for God to hurry up with the vision so that Love will understand how important it is in my life...I will smile. I will laugh my contagious and irritating laugh. I will encourage. I will not give up. I will not give in. I will not fall. Because when Love returns, I refuse to let it go.