It's so eerily quiet right now in my house because Matt took the kids over to his mom's and I'm about to head out for work. However with the twenty minutes that I rarely have to spare-well I guess these twenty minutes are more sacrificial than sparing-I feel the need to update my blog. Or as I like to think of it a public diary that no one seems to read :(
I just came back from a charity walk with my work and family and realized that my house is a mess, we're moving in three weeks, I haven't read any of my assignments for Brit Lit, I've got the Praxis in a month, I'm missing class next week because I have to work, there is no time for my husband and I to be a COUPLE and my kids barely know me......What am I doing all this for?
FOR THEM
But then I am faced with a dilemma. Continue to keep trucking through this circus I call life or throw in the towel and stay at home with the kids?
I guess it would be easier if only one of us had eight million things going on....but BOTH Matt and I are constantly on the go. How is it that some families can simply work part time, live off welfare and WIC and be happy while people like Matt and I kill ourselves to make it?
I have to keep reminding myself that God blessed me with my two children with a purpose in mind. I may not know that purpose and it may be driving me nuts, but I have to continue to live my life with His purpose in mind. Otherwise how will I succeed?
I wish I could be one of those moms that could see the purpose in the eyes of her children. But when I come home (or sometimes even when I leave for work too) their eyes are closed. I can only stand there and try to pry myself away from watching them sleep. So peaceful and naive to the world outside their little blanket covered window. I thank God for giving them to me because without them I probably would have given up a long time ago. Maybe I do find purpose in them...it just kills me that I cannot see or feel it. I miss out on the hugs and playtime because I am too busy paying bills, changing mailing addresses, calling about moving dates, setting up appointments, laundry, cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning the other bathroom....working 40+ hours a week.......
How do I set life aside in order to enjoy life?
EVERYTHING YOU JUST WROTE IS SO TRUE... WORK AND SCHOOL EAT UP YOUR WHOLE LIFE...BUT YOU DO IT FOR YOUR KIDS WHO WILL STEP BACK (ONE DAY A LONG TIME FROM NOW) AND SAY, "WOW! MOM (IM MY CASE DAD) IS, AND FOR OUR WHOLE CHILDHOOD WAS SUPER WOMAN (IN MY CASE THE INCREDIBLE HULK ;))...WE WANT OUR KIDS TO HAVE THE BEST...WE WANT OUR KIDS TO HAVE A GREAT WORK ETHIC...WE WANT OUR KIDS TO DO THINGS IN THE CORRECT ORDER SO THEY DON'T HAVE TO WORK AND GO TO SCHOOL AT THE SAME TIME LIKE US...YOU ARE BLESSED WITH THE ABILITY TO BE A GREAT MOM, WIFE AND ROLL MODEL...AND SOON IT WELL ALL PAY OFF... YOU ARE THE WOMAN AND KEEP UP THE HARDWORK......P.S. GREAT BLOG!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Mike. It's ok to call you that I hope, even though I don't know you. :)
ReplyDeleteFirst of Dianna, I'm gonna follow the Grays more often now. It's interestingly refreshing to see the lives of another hardworking family. The kids are definitely a highlight for me and they are freakin gorgeous, especilly my lil "Lilo" hehe.
The funny thing about all of this life is that the things you seem to place emphasis on the other person or people in your life always stand back and look at you like you're crazy for it! I hate a dirty house and my wife can walk thru it like it'll clean itself up but if I leave it dirty, ooooh lawd No, I'm quickly reminded that I didn't do anything either!
I don't know if you two share the same idea when it comes to the value of being a parent but it would be wise to at least talk about it. I know that's something I'm learning to do. My hope is that it will create a more comfy environment for the entire family and they learn to share the load you feel responsible for.
Keep the posts coming, I like this blog stuff!